My Story

My story is so long, and so much has happened that I don’t really know where to begin. And I’m just talking about the last 5 years. Until January of 2024, I owned Meraki Boutik in Saugerties, NY. From the day I opened the store at its first location, 190 Main St., I have literally been put through hell. The level of injustice, corruption, and all around unethical and immoral behavior in Saugerties is unlike anything I have ever experienced. And it seems everyone is perfectly happy turning a cheek to all of it. I am not, and it’s probably why I’ve had a target on my back since I voiced my concerns to the Mayor and Chief of Police - who has since been fired. I have developed Complex PTSD from what I have endured in Saugerties. Before the store closed I could not walk around during the day because I was harassed on an almost daily basis - I’m sure you can imagine the effect that had on my business. When I say “harassed” I don’t mean “Mmmmm-mmm. Milk done that body good!” (Someone said that to me at the Duchess County Fair when I was all of 16.) I mean, “Why are you letting your dogs shit there, asshole?” Amongst (many) others.

The store moved 3 times in the first 2 years it was open. The first location I opened was at 190 Main st., next door to the movie theater.  I opened the store as consignment and filled a 2000 sq. ft. space with all of my own merchandise. When you have close to 3 decades in the fashion industry and retail arbitrage, you accumulate a lot. Every item in the store represented hours of my time; rare pieces that I found while treasure hunting at various thrift stores, pieces I acquired over many years from trade shows, as well as different companies and small boutiques where I worked. I was open for 2 months before I was constructively evicted. When I rented the first space at 190 Main I paid for a year of rent up front, in cash. 5 weeks after I opened I was constructively evicted. The owners at the time I moved in said they had no plan on selling - there was a for sale sign out front - but within 2 weeks of being there they did just that. I had first right of refusal and I was not offered the chance to buy the building. Per the lease it stated that they were supposed to offer that to me. It also stated that if any work was done on the property it would be done after hours and would not interrupt business. They worked on the apartment above me from 8 AM until I closed at 5 PM. It was so loud that customers who came in didn’t stay - and I don’t blame them. The building was vibrating. I walked in one day and there was a dirty towel hanging out of the ceiling above my cash wrap - which means people were in my store without my knowledge or consent - sheetrock, dirt, and debris all over my desk and my computer, the power got cut one day without warning and I lost a project I was working on, the parking lot had a huge dumpster in it, was filled with construction materials and debris, they were flinging garbage and sheet rock off the roof, I couldn’t even park in my parking lot let alone my customers. The new owners not only did not give a shit, but when I told them I couldn’t operate a business under those conditions and wanted to leave, they had their attorney fight me about everything. They also told me if I chose to stay that my rent would increase from $1000/mth to $2300/mth. They treated me like I was a Nordstrom, not a small business in its infancy. I had just painted the entire space, the walls were somehow covered in water stains and the ceiling in the back room leaked and ruined all the clothes that were back there. I had just installed a new front door and they would not let me take it with me. I paid for a year of rent in advance and got 6 months back, which I used to move to 110 Partition - which was a fucking dump. The heat constantly went out, I had to have Central Hudson come and fix it weekly, the ceiling was falling down where it had been taped up and the floors looked like they hadn’t been cleaned in 10 years. The walls only had primer on them, and it wasn’t even done as a coat. It looked like a madman took a paint roller and just put primer in random places. But, I was not going to put any sweat or financial equity into the space because of what happened with 190 Main, and because I didn’t plan on being there longer than a year, which I was completely transparent with the landlord about up front.

The landlord at 110 Partition was a slumlord. He was a slumlord who broke the law by giving me back my security deposit in the form of a bad check, as well as commingling and spending the security deposit I planned on using for my security deposit at 86 Partition St. It took me 8 months of asking, 8 months of “I don’t have it” for me to finally take him to Saugerties Town Court where the judge treated me like I was the scumbag. He told me, and I quote, “You will not speak.” The landlords wife was with him and they brought a money order - he was somehow magically able to come up with the money that he “didn’t have.” After the judge placed a gag order on me he said, “They have your security deposit, so I don’t know what we’re doing here.” The wife then said, “Right, we have it right here, I don’t know why we’re here either.” When I said to the judge that it took 8 months and me bringing them to court to receive it, that my landlord broke laws by writing me a bad check and then commingling, he said, “Take it up in another court. I don’t deal with that here.” I left there feeling embarrassed and ashamed, like I had done something wrong.

The 11th month of my tenancy came at 110 Partition, and my friend was closing her store at 86 Partition St. It was my favorite space in town and I jumped at the opportunity. I gave my 30 day written notice to my landlord at 110 Partition and moved the store to 86 Partition. Since my landlord wrote me a bad check for my security deposit and that was the money I planned on using toward the security deposit at the new space, I was already starting out with less than I had anticipated which created more hardship. $1300 is a lot for a small business in its 1st year. My space at 86 Partition was owned by RUPCO, a nonprofit housing organization dedicated to strengthening communities and helping people. I thought I would finally be able to breathe and focus on my business.

But they did me the dirtiest of all.

My store was all I had. I have had more hardship and trauma in my life than any one person should go through in 5 lifetimes. I don’t write this for sympathy; I don’t want anyone to feel bad for me and I don’t want to be pitied. I’m writing this because I want justice. I’m writing this to shed light on why my store wasn’t “just a store” to me, and why I am so completely devastated by its loss. Had I lost the store due to my own stupidity, or being bad at business, that would have sucked, yes. But what happened to me should not EVER have happened.

I have had a tremendous amount of abuse in every form that abuse comes in. I have been sexually assaulted more times than I can count, brutally raped twice, sexual abuse that began at 5 years old, verbal abuse from the time I was born, plenty of neglect, and I have been trapped by an abusive narcissist for for close to a decade who I truly believe wants to drive me to commit suicide. I was able to get away from him when I had the store. I had finally had that thing that felt elusive to me: my independence. I swore  to myself that I would never, ever end up back in a place where I could end up trapped or dependent on a man again. When you lose everything that you worked for, that you had for such a short period of time and finally felt like you had something to be proud of, and it’s taken from you, after you have been silenced, ignored, harassed, abused, unheard, misjudged, neglected…it fucks up your head.

I have never thought of myself as a victim. I have always fought

Meraki gave me a life worth living. I had an unnecessary total (botched) hysterectomy when I was 33 so I was never able to have a family. Meraki was it for me, and I made my peace with that. This was the path I ended up on, and I did everything I could to make it one in which I felt purpose. Meraki put me in a place I had never been in before. It gave me independence and autonomy. For the first time in my life I was making decisions from a place of want, not need. I was able to support myself. I built Meraki by myself, down to the driftwood that the clothes hung on that I foraged down by the river. I was proud of myself. I didn’t try to hide who I was. I was also proud of what I had created aesthetically, and I was humbled by my loyal customers and the community I was quickly forging. The business was growing so quickly I couldn’t keep up. For the first time in my 44 years of living I did not have the urge to be somewhere else. I did not have the urge to run away. I wanted to build roots and be part of a community. Because of the amount of trauma in my life, I have always struggled with depression and anxiety, which almost always manifests physically. I have been sick for my entire life, and since losing the store things are happening to my body that I didn’t know were possible. Between the stress of losing Meraki the way that I did, all of the other incidents that occurred throughout my time in Saugerties, and a long history of trauma, my health has nose dived. I have unbearable stomach pain that wakes me up out of sleep - when I am able to sleep. I’m in pain every day. I have had the worst migraines than I ever had in my life. I’m exhausted. My mind is constantly racing. I have sleep paralysis and terrifying nightmares that wake me up in a cold sweat. And I have been alone through all of it.

2 years ago I broke free of the abusive relationship that I had been in and I was…happy. That happiness lasted for about a year until things started to fall apart again. I went back to my abuser. The abuse has been 100x worse this time around, and became physical for the first time in September of 2023 when he picked me up and threw me into a pile of wood. 2 days after the incident occurred, I was driving and I realized that I had bruises all over my forearms in the shape of his palms and fingerprints. It threw me into a full blown panic attack. I was driving erratically and got pulled over; when I told the officer who pulled me over what had happened he let me go without even making me show him my license. I have called the police 5 subsequent times since then. The trauma bond has paralyzed me. There are many more stories about what this man has said and done to me over a 10 year period. He is the most abusive person I’ve ever known. He has demolished any sense of self I had. I live in fear 24 hours a day. I told the judge who presided over my cases in a letter that I hand delivered to the village clerk - for my apartment and my store - that if he did not allow me the opportunity to present my defense he would be forcing me back into a highly abusive relationship. I told RUPCO’s COO, Sheila Kilpatrick the same. I was ignored by both of them. If I hadn’t been putting the rent for my apartment in escrow; if I hadn’t had the ability to pay my landlord money that he should not have gotten, that judge would have ruled in favor of me losing my home, my business, and sending me back to an abusive relationship. All in a matter of 6 months. I simply cannot wrap my head around the fact that a judge would not want to help a woman who resides and owns a small business in the town that he presides over, rather than see to it that she loses everything and ends up being abused. There was no empathy from anyone within that court system for what I was going through or what it has done to my ability to simply put sentences together.

RUPCO is solely responsible for the demise of a small business and a small business owner. RUPCO has made my life a nightmare for the last 4 years. RUPCO does not stand behind its core values, two of which are “better lives” and an “improved community”. The message they sent me based on their mission statement is one that says, “Saugerties would improve as a community without your store.” RUPCO ignored the timeline of events I shared and failed to take responsibility for its neglect and shoddy work being the cause of damages from 2 floods exceeding $120,000. The floods which I was told they would not be submitting a claim for.

They lied. About everything.

THEY DID SO IN ORDER TO PUSH THROUGH THE 1.2 MILLION DOLLAR SALE OF THE BUILDING MY STORE WAS IN.

I COULD NOT GET A SINGLE PERSON AT RUPCO TO REPLY TO ME THROUGHOUT THIS ENTIRE THING. NO ONE BOTHERED TO CALL ME, EMAIL ME, OR COME INTO THE STORE. THEY ACTED LIKE I DID NOT EXIST.

The last communication from anyone at RUPCO was when the COO, Shiela Kilpatrick, in an email reply, said she would get back to me no later than the end of the business day the following Wednesday. I never heard from her again and she ignored every attempt at communication that I made thereafter.

RUPCO dismantled my livelihood and my life, as though they were taking apart a piece of IKEA furniture. I am filing a lawsuit against them, pro se, and I am afraid of what the process is going to do to my health, both mental and physical. I feel like I’m disintegrating.

Their mission statement, everything about who and what they claim to be is all smoke & mirrors. Gotta make sure donations and funding keep coming in.