Narcissistic Abuse
06.20.2023
Doug + Vanessa // Domestic Violence = DV
or
Vanessa & Doug = VD
Not good either way you write it.
There is a man who is slowly killing me. And the trauma bond has become so strong that I literally feel like I am paralyzed and cannot leave him.
There have been so many times I wished he would punch me in the face or do something, anything, to leave a mark that was visible so I could report him to the police.
What am I supposed to do? “Officer, my boyfriend is gaslighting me. Officer, I’ve lost the ability to think straight or go to my store and work and I’m losing everything I have worked for. Officer, my credit score went from 720 to 400 in a year. I have lost everything because he has destroyed me. Officer, I don’t think I’m worthy of real love from anyone and I don’t think I’ll ever trust anyone ever again. Officer, I’m having a nervous breakdown. I want to press charges.”
I’d be the one taken to a psych hospital and told I need help.
He has 8 cars, including 2 that are mine, none of which run except for my Passat which he is driving into the ground and using it like it’s a work truck. After I left him 2 years ago — and I was so happy — I had started talking to him again, letting him back in. I told him I was going to look at cars one day, he offered to come with me and “help”. He co-signed the loan because I don’t show income. He said he was a new man, money didn’t matter anymore. He bought me a Tiny House — another giant manipulation because he put it across the street from his house, where he lives with his mother. A way to keep tabs on me. He ended up taking the Passat that was paid off and he’s holding it hostage because he “won’t have any way to get anywhere”; he won’t fix any of his other cars:
-Lotus
-Ford F150 that runs on vegetable oil
-2 Honda Elements
-Dodge Pickup truck
-Toyota Tundra pickup truck
- Mini Cooper — also mine, but he will not let me take it because he “needs to do work on it”.
- VW Passat, which is the car I’m talking about now.
He owns 15 properties. All full to the brim with stuff from Lowe’s.
Yet HE CLAIMS POVERTY.
I went through hell to get the car that he has taken as his own. It’s registered to me and my father, the title is in my father’s name. When I was having a hard time making payments on it, after moving to the middle of nowhere to be with him and help him with his mother after she had a major stroke, leaving me with no job prospects or income, he told me to let it get repossessed and “who cares about your credit or your dad’s credit, you don’t need credit.” One night, I was sleeping at his Moms office on a mattress on the floor and an Amtrak worker fell asleep and hit the business sign. I made a report and he got a check for $17000 for a sign that was from the previous business that had been there for so long it didn’t even say anything anymore, and he never had any intention of replacing. After months and months of stress, crying to him, he sat me down and said he would pay off my car using money from the insurance check, but I had to work X amount of hours, X amount of days taking care of his mother. I had to lift a 175 lb woman, change her diapers, feed her, bathe her, clothe her. It further broke my already broken body.
So, here I am now. After I bought the car I have now, my bf took my old car and will not give it back to me. I was able to take the spare key, but I am scared to take the car. MY car. The whole thing with him “helping” me get my current car was a giant manipulation. Everything is. EVERYTHING is quid pro quo. Everything. And you better believe when we get into an argument every penny he has ever loaned me is thrown in my face. I say loaned because he has never GIVEN me anything.
With this kind of abuse, you can’t take legal action. You can’t take any action because no one can see it on the outside. If only it mattered that every time I let him touch me I feel like a prostitute. If only I could show people what has happened to my stomach; the literal hole that I have that causes constant pain. The hair that I once had, long, thick, healthy - mostly gone. My teeth are falling out. My body is disintegrating. I am disintegrating. The vivacious, bubbly girl that once was is now angry, sad, lonely and isolated. I feel no joy. I am so broken. I am so alone.
The real kicker? His Mother ran a wellness center for abused women. She has a nonprofit for women and children who are victims of DV. He is on the board, and he is using that nonprofit for his own benefit. Accolades, tax breaks, etc. He is her power of attorney so he essentially has both her credit and his to pull money from.
What he doesn’t understand — money isn’t the only thing that creates debt between people.
